A much needed road trip

I am getting ready for a road trip, the last weekend before the winter residents return.

I am not looking forward to the packing, its such a pain to try and figure out what do i want to wear for the next 5 days of my life.  I am thinking I will just chuck some shorts, tees and jeans in the bag with a couple of skirts.  I am planning on bringing my board, and the board shorts.  If it all gets to be too much, I can always paddle out to relax.

I am looking forward to the drive.  I have way too much in my head that I need to sort out.  I have a lot of unshed emotions, a lot of ties that need to break, and I  need to sort out my personal life, what there is or isn’t of it.  I spoke out loud to Michael about it, and that helped some.

I guess the biggest problem is that I am not comfortable in my home.  It is like it has been invaded by all these extra essences.  I am not thinking its haunted, just an overload of energy from everything to the dogs, the cats, the presence of all the people in my life, the remnants of the energy I bring home every day.  It is just too much.

The premonition I had about J2 has freaked me out.  The fact that I even had that random vision, so real I could feel the heat of his body, his touch, oddly, there was no color in the picture.  Anyway, and then he walks in to the office.  He hasn’t been here since April, and he just pops in with that smile.  I was just awestruck, could barely put a sentence together.  When I asked about his injury, I was stunned when he said exactly what was in the vision (or what ever one calls it).  I think that is why I am freaked out about my bedroom, as that was the location of the whatever.  Now I have no sanctuary.

I think I will set the camp bed up in the front room tonight.  I did not sleep well last night.  I am thinking that I need to purge, clean and cleanse the house.  I guess I will work on that for September.  I had another sensation, J2 was at the beach with me, and I do not think that would be beneficial to me.  I need a sanctuary, a safe place.

I guess what is scary is that before there was J1, there was a lot of sensations about him.  Now I am reliving that with J2.  I am just very confused, and distraught.  I do not see a future with J1, but do see a potential with J2.  Or is it just a crazy fantasy of an overactive imagination.  Maybe I just need to call JR and have a hit it and quit it night.

This is why I need to go for a long drive, Michael indicates he does the Loop to unwind.  (What is scary is that Michael and I are two peas in the pod, but with out the sexual attraction, at least for me.  We share so many similar traits, but I can only deal with one freaky thing at this time. ) I can talk to him about stuff, and it helps to just say things out loud.

Maybe September needs to be a focus on me and my needs month.  Just me, get squared away with my self, my home, my world.  Not add anyone to the picture, just me.  Maybe I need to spend some time with myself, find things that bring me happiness,.  I will need a new hobby as the weather is going to get cooler, and I have to give up my ocean sport.  I will have pickle ball, but I will need another me and the ocean.  Maybe I should price wet suits.