As the follower of the Celtic tradition, the wheel is turning constantly, but I am anticipating great changes in the upcoming year.  This last thirteen lunar month cycle has been filled with great turbulent emotions.  It is my intention that this next thirteen lunar months be less turbulent, more financially stable and charged.

Many aspects of my life will be changing in the next thirteen months.  The business that I currently work for will be terminating.  Although I dread having to go back to a traditional office job, that seems to be the fate.  It will be nice to be paid for my worth as opposed to the minimal pay I receive now.  I will miss the people of the community, and they will miss this business.  It has been a positive force in my life, there are many things I have learned, many people I have met and many lives that I have touched.  This will probably survive until the end of the calendar year, but not after that.

One of the people I met was for the reason to make me aware that the relationship with J1 was not meeting my needs and after much deliberation, meditation,  and evaluation I have faced that our relationship is not what it used to be, that gradually we have drifted apart and are no longer anything more that friends.  J2, the person that sparked my interest, has not been totally truthful.  He has been friendly, and flirty, indicated he was divorced (maybe at one time), and fun to encounter at work.  As it turns out, he got married on my last birthday, ironic.  The first man that turns my head and sparks desires that I have not had in years, implied he was available two months into his marriage.  Wonder why I don’t trust men???

This upcoming Wheel, my focus will be on Brigit.  The more I study about her, the more I realize she is calling me and has been for some time.  She was a single woman in a time when women married and had families.  That is not the path she chose.  I plan to spend the year in her company, turning my attention inward to hone my skills as a healer, as a crafter and keeper of the Eternal Flame.  I plan to spend more time exploring the true Celtic Path, not Wicca or Druidism, pure Celtic paganism.

This is a fresh start for life, part of me wished that this gig was ending at the end of October to coincide with the Wheel, but we will make the most of what we have left here, it would be foolish to shut down before the high volume season.  What the owners and the people don’t realize is that I am moving forward with my life.  I am courteous, friendly and being the best employee I can, but I am no longer pouring my heart and soul into this.

I have started to prepare for entry into the corporate workplace, thankfully i never got rid of the suits and blouses.  I recently came across two pair of workplace shoes for less than $20.00, I accepted the sign that this is a one of the blessings to come.  It will be nice to have a little financial freedom, not just getting by, but having a little left over.  I am going to take the next few months to really fine tune my thoughts on the ideal job, definitely some where that is not religious based.  I do not care to start and end a staff meeting with prayer.

I will miss my morning beach time, I will need to make a conscience effort to make weekend trips to the beach.  Who knows, maybe I could go to the beach, then go to the gym and use their shower to get ready for the office.  That would be a large sleep shift, as I would have to get up pretty early and the sun may not even be up at the time I was at the beach.  Hard to greet Lugh if he has not risen.  Well, no use worrying about that now.  I have several months to get through before we reach that point.

I trust in Lugh, Morrigan and Brigit to lead me on the correct Path and open the doors that I need to walk through.

 

I took a few days off from my work and went on a little road trip.  The drive was great, rather peaceful.  I had plenty of miles to sort out my head, and really look at my world with fresh eyes.  My life has become complicated, and it really does not need to be that messy.  My life needs to be filled with happiness and upbeat thoughts.  There is no room in my life for negativity, there is no room for unhappiness, no room for drama.

THe hardest part was morning the loss of the relationship of Jim, I had been hanging on far too long.  The words were finally said out loud, we have been moving in separate directions for quite some time.  It was time to finally put the idea of a romantic relationship in perspective.  He is a great man, a great friend, and life has just drawn us on different paths.  It was time for me to stop waiting for him, to accept that if he really wanted to make the relationship a priority, he would have made time for us.  When he sold the property to Charlie, that is when I should have walked away.  That was a dream we created, he built with features for me and my personal lifestyle in mind, then he just decided to sell it.  He did not consult me, he just said this is how its going to be.  I held on too long.

Things that this little trip has taught me, I am in charge of me.  I do not need a lot of material things in my life, I probably have way too many as I type (that will slowly change).  If it has value, I am selling it.  If it’s use has been depleted its going to the dump

It is time to turn my artistic hobbies into a money making machine.  Several ideas for projects that are not complicated for my skill level, that will make great products for an Etsy Store. Look forward to seeing a new adventure in my art.  I am thinking that eventually I will be doing more art and less office work, but for now, office is first, art second.

The daily visit to the beach is a must, and I am adding an annual holiday to my calendar.  The number of people that have commented on the difference in my appearance, my attitude, my persona after this little adventure, all positive things.  One needs an official time out to sort out the crazy. A character in the book I am reading references a delete button in her head, I am adopting that action, and making it my own.  When a negative thought or encounter occurs, I am just  hitting  the delete button.  Just like the one  in the upper right hand corner of the keyboard, the one in my head erases the negativity.

The new work schedule starts this week, this is the time for changes.  My schedule will be six days on, one day off.  This week will be intense, my commitment to take a grandson to the zoo on Sunday  (the only day off) will make for a condensed Saturday to shop, prep and cook for the upcoming week.  Then changes will just mean more efficient planning and prepping to accomplish all the tasks. The busy season is quickly approaching, the days of chillaxing on the job are quickly fading.

Time for a new meal plan, more on the go finger foods.  One of the lessons learned on my adventure, deviating from the healthy eating plan results in feeling unwell.  For future trips, a packed cooler with my foods will be required.  The days of driving through and grabbing a burger are gone.  Sure it tastes great at the moment, but the next day, oh my, my body was revolting.  Also in the rear view mirror of life, staying up all night.  21 hours awake is not something this body is designed to accomplish.  The combination of garbage in gut and lack of sleep resulted in a loss of a day.  Some things are better left to the young, and young I am not.

So there are many changes on my horizon.

 

 

I am getting ready for a road trip, the last weekend before the winter residents return.

I am not looking forward to the packing, its such a pain to try and figure out what do i want to wear for the next 5 days of my life.  I am thinking I will just chuck some shorts, tees and jeans in the bag with a couple of skirts.  I am planning on bringing my board, and the board shorts.  If it all gets to be too much, I can always paddle out to relax.

I am looking forward to the drive.  I have way too much in my head that I need to sort out.  I have a lot of unshed emotions, a lot of ties that need to break, and I  need to sort out my personal life, what there is or isn’t of it.  I spoke out loud to Michael about it, and that helped some.

I guess the biggest problem is that I am not comfortable in my home.  It is like it has been invaded by all these extra essences.  I am not thinking its haunted, just an overload of energy from everything to the dogs, the cats, the presence of all the people in my life, the remnants of the energy I bring home every day.  It is just too much.

The premonition I had about J2 has freaked me out.  The fact that I even had that random vision, so real I could feel the heat of his body, his touch, oddly, there was no color in the picture.  Anyway, and then he walks in to the office.  He hasn’t been here since April, and he just pops in with that smile.  I was just awestruck, could barely put a sentence together.  When I asked about his injury, I was stunned when he said exactly what was in the vision (or what ever one calls it).  I think that is why I am freaked out about my bedroom, as that was the location of the whatever.  Now I have no sanctuary.

I think I will set the camp bed up in the front room tonight.  I did not sleep well last night.  I am thinking that I need to purge, clean and cleanse the house.  I guess I will work on that for September.  I had another sensation, J2 was at the beach with me, and I do not think that would be beneficial to me.  I need a sanctuary, a safe place.

I guess what is scary is that before there was J1, there was a lot of sensations about him.  Now I am reliving that with J2.  I am just very confused, and distraught.  I do not see a future with J1, but do see a potential with J2.  Or is it just a crazy fantasy of an overactive imagination.  Maybe I just need to call JR and have a hit it and quit it night.

This is why I need to go for a long drive, Michael indicates he does the Loop to unwind.  (What is scary is that Michael and I are two peas in the pod, but with out the sexual attraction, at least for me.  We share so many similar traits, but I can only deal with one freaky thing at this time. ) I can talk to him about stuff, and it helps to just say things out loud.

Maybe September needs to be a focus on me and my needs month.  Just me, get squared away with my self, my home, my world.  Not add anyone to the picture, just me.  Maybe I need to spend some time with myself, find things that bring me happiness,.  I will need a new hobby as the weather is going to get cooler, and I have to give up my ocean sport.  I will have pickle ball, but I will need another me and the ocean.  Maybe I should price wet suits.

 

 

Today marks the beginning of a new lifestyle. I am choosing to view the events that occurred yesterday as the Universe sending a message that I need to make some changes in my lifestyle.

My wallet was stolen last night, and as a result of that act, I am changing the way I spend my money. I will no longer carry any cards with me, I will go to a cash or check policy. I am going old school, with paper bills and mailing all the bills.

This is something I have debated for a while, and this was the final push. Fortunately, none of the charges will be my financial responsibility, but still , I feel violated, threatened, that some one other than me could access my money. I work very hard for my money, I do not have much, the little I have is to support myself and my loved ones.

There is a part of me that wants to place an ill wish on the fool that took what is mine and make them suffer. The fact that I had that thought has been enlightening, it brings to surface something I was not aware existed. There is a dark side to me, I have read that there is no white witch, black witch, but we are all gray witches. There can not be light with out dark, no good with out evil. I have never thought to impose anything but well wishes on another. there have been many people that have wronged me, but never have I felt so strongly against someone that I do not know.

There are so many ways that this scene could have played out. Some one made a choice to violate my personal items. They are in possession of not only my ID and credit cards, but one of my personal sigils. They also took a souvenir from one of my favorite trips. I can never replace that item, and that they have taken feels like that they have intruded on my memory of that day.

PS 3/24/2021… The owner of the business has closed it down. He was unable to sell the franchise. At the time of the theft, only his staff ( family) were in the store- he refused to let the police brie the video footage or any cooperation.

Today has been a mixture of good and bad, bright and dark, cheer and sadness.  My day started with me naturally waking up at 06:29, that is not a normal occurrence.  That should have been the first flag to indicate today was going to be a doozy.

I am glad that I was able to wake up naturally as opposed to an electronic bleeping.  one of my personal goals is to start and end my day with the sun, following the natural rhythms of life.  This could be the beginning of attaining that goal.  Let me clarify, being awake and being ready to start my day are not the same.  That is another thing to work on.

The breakfast routine quickly became a disaster.  The French press fell off the water dispenser shelf and shattered.  Scalding hot water, coffee grounds and broken glass all over the floor. This is one of the moments that I regret my environmental commitment to no paper products in the kitchen.  As I scoop up the mess without burning or cutting myself- Loki and Layla have got to investigate.  Layla followed the “get out of the kitchen” roar, Loki just continued to sniff about- hopefully he does not have glass up his nose.  Out came the K machine for coffee 2.0, all before 07:00.

The break in the rain is most welcome, the amount of rainfall has clearly impacted the beach.  The sand has been eroded from the beach approach right down to water edge.  There is a large area that has washed out and a new riptide area has developed.  The cloud cover prevented basking in the sun or drying my face after a splash wash.

 

This is the recovery day, this should be the day off.  For someone that is  in bed at 9:00 pm, to be out and about well after that, I need this morning off.  It was rather a nice holiday, my daughter planned a cookout, invited her brother and father to join.  I was welcomed as well.  It was nice to get the whole family  (less the daughter that has removed herself from the family) together.  Fortunately, my former spouse and I are on relatively good terms and can attend functions in peace.

We all went in two vehicles to the city festival.  We arrived later than planned and well not everyone was happy.  It was hot, humid and due to the number of strollers in use, we walked over the high rise bridge instead of taking the shuttle.  Once again I ended up pushing a stroller over  the bridge both ways.  I was very concerned that my former spouse was going to pass out, people with congestive heart failure not taking their medication should not over exert themselves.

The kids fussed and cried, they did not enjoy the firework show.  I always dreamed of the family together having a good time, smiles and joy.  Not the reality.  So much so that next year I may ride my bike to the festival and go solo.

About the full moon ceremony.  Holy moly, lighting the tiki torches really changed things up. I was really charged up to do the rituals.  I need to work out a few kinks, like set the altar up before its dark.  Print the script and get things spread out a little more so I have some room to work. I also want to fill the kiddie pool to use for ritual bathing.  Time to get creative with the torch holders and animals will need to remain inside, Loki was off exploring and does not come when called, he blends in to the garden and I could not find him.

The New Moon is fast approaching and I have not prepared in any way.  I spent the day off reading a book and napping.  I need to get my self together and back on the path.  This weekend I will complete Wish box and the torch holders.

For the New Moon, I am going to seek my spirit animal, I feel that the hawk is my spirit guide, but I need to spend some time meditating on this topic.

 

 

 

Tonight is the is the full moon for June, hopefully the weather will cooperate and I will be able to use the outdoor table I crafted.  Its fireproof, and for those that don’t know (or don’t want to know) its a table to hold the grill.  It can double as an altar space complete with torches at the cardinal points.

I am not planning any major rituals, just the basic Full Moon to Morrigan.  I need to release the building energy.  I am convinced that is the cause of the panic attack in my sleep last night. I spent an hour in the ocean yesterday, that should have disbursed some of the energy, but it is almost as if it intensified and concentrated the forces.

I am becoming more aware of my empath characteristics, and I need to research more on how to release that energy, mostly negative.  The people in my realm are reaping the consequences of their actions.  I can no longer allow their poor choices to affect me.  Meditating with the “Not my problem” mantra is not working.  I need to find a way to prevent their mayhem from invading my realm.

My former spouse is moving in with my daughter two buildings down from my house. ?Why because he has not paid his rent in nearly two years.  How does one let that go for so long?  I am just at a loss, my biggest concern, is his dog.  I know that she can’t allow the dog in her house because she a foster that is making its way to permanent. One she does not want, her husband took in, she can t manage the dog, its large and does not listen to her.  She works full time, has three active little boys, two dogs (one she can not walk) a husband that works nights and sleeps days,  studies online and now her father.  Not my problem, but when her sons start showing up at my house looking for peace from the crazy…it will be my problem.

Then there is my son and his family.  He can not seem to generate enough funds to meet his expenses.  He needs to find a trade, so he can earn more money at a day job, not try and deliver food after working all day.  He needs to spend time fixing his home to make it livable and a good place to raise his children.  His youngest is less than a week old, and I just paid his electric bill.  He needs to get it together, I live in fear that family services will show up and want me to take his children.  I am hoping that he learns from seeing his father in his current state, hopefully he will get his act together and flourish.

I shall focus the shedding of the negative thoughts and energies.  I do not wish to banish people from my life, only the negative energy that they generate.  I need to disburse this abundance of energy I am carrying around.

 

The last few weeks have been just off kilter.  I am not sure why, I just seemed to get into this bizarre funk that I could not shake.  I have been all over the board, physically, emotionally and spiritually.  Why, I do not know; part of the answer is the anticipated arrival of the new baby.  Well, she is here, home with her parents and sisters.

How to get back to my starting place seems to be my current challenge. It seems tat once derailed , it is so hard to readjust and get back in the natural rhythm of things.  All these minor little complications just snow ball to one giant dilemma. In the words of Della , I need to just sort it out.

When I started this blog, one of my intentions was to start each day at the beach, in the ocean on waves.  The month of June has been no waves, not a ripple, great for paddle boarding beginners, but not a wave in sight.  Today was the first day that there were waves, but the ocean was all churned up, brown cloudy and the scent was like death.  Not very inviting, but it seems to be clearing up.  Weather permitting I can reload the car with boogie boards and remove one of the car seats.  Tomorrow is Alex and Nana day, so we have Lego club and maybe boogie boarding weather permitting.  Its Florida, the afternoon storms are almost a given (as the clouds darken the sky).  I guess I will resume the plan to spend my early am in the sea, a quick rinse at the beach shower and change outfits when I get to work.

 

 

 

 

The rain continues here in not sunny Ormond Beach, as it will for the next two weeks.  I am trying to remain upbeat, to see the silver lining in this cloud cover, but all I am feeling is grey and gloomy.

Satruday was not too bad, I re arranged my bedroom. I needed to rotate the mattress and move away from the window.  I got my shopping complete, the produce market, meat market and grocery store.  I still had residual sunshine in my system.

Sunday was the most unproductive day off ever.  I accomplished nothing, I barely got a lunch made for work today.  I did walk 2 miles in this lovely rain, that would be the only positive event of my weekend.  Thankfully there is only one more Saturday to work until September.  I really need two consecutive days off.

The beach was peaceful this morning, unfortunealty I had slept late and only had minutes to spend.  The goddess let me know she was upset with this, a rogue wave washed over my knees and shorts, (I was in less than ankle deep water).  I vow to make the most of my few hours tonight to get my world together.

I need to not just make lists but follow through.  Let’s see how that pans out…

Once again, there is a new plan, a result of down the rabbit hole again.  My morning beach routine has been modified slightly, washing my face in the ocean each day, well rinsing I suppose.  This is very refreshing, making me feel I am being blessed everyday by the Morrigan, then sun dried and blessed by the Lugh.

The rainy season has come upon us here in my little part of Florida.  Every day this week, just as I am closing my shop, the storms kick up.  Its as if the clouds know that there is a board in my car with a surf suit waiting to get wet.  If there were just rain, no lightning, I would go in a heart beat.  My love for riding the  waves does not exceed my self preservation, therefore lightning means no waves.

Where does that lead me, why not enjoy the waves early in the morning before the storms come in.  That is actually encouragement to wake up and get going.  I am planning a new morning routine, including breakfast at the beach.  I can catch some waves, eat breakfast, rinse off at the beach shower then head off to work.  A packed bag of work clothes as opposed to a bag of beach clothes.

Now that the summer season is approaching, I will need to find ways to generate additional business as well as entertainment.  This was the first week of really slow business, and it will only get worse.  My book was boring, my videos were boring, there were no customers, even the garage next door had nothing going on.  (Of course at the peak of business hours, the surf was up and no lightning to be found. ) Things will pick up once school is out and people start to travel.  This is just the doldrums, it too will pass.