This journey continues, with fresh eyes and a clear conscious. I am learning more about ADHD and more importantly, I am accepting traits that can be attributed to the collective of ADHD, traits that make me who I am. You would think after 50+ years, I would be an expert, but alas I am not.
There is comfort to know that I am not the only person that struggles with certain aspects of life. There is greater comfort in accepting who I am without the guilt of disappointment for not completing what seems to be a simple task to others, but is a huge challenge to me.
Tonight I attempted to explain a typical morning routine to a very dear friend. Some one that loves me as I am, does not judge me, accepts me as me, but will never understand how or why I am the way I am. He just does not see how a simple routine of morning tasks can turn into something monumental.
I have a new attitude about mornings, and it works for me. I wake up, get ready for work, tend the cat and the dog, then leave the house. Sounds relatively simple, but there are a few factors missing from that list – the pitfalls. I have to take a pill at 6 am, then another at least 30 minutes later. Sometimes, I fall back asleep after the first pill, sometimes I get up (potential pitfall number 1). When I arise, I make the bed, wash up, get dressed, and head downstairs.
If I am on point, I feed the cat before I head downstairs- if not that will be one trip back up. Once down stairs, I let the dog out, prepare her food and medicine peanut butter ball. I start to pack up my lunch, snacks and fight the internal battle about breakfast. Let the dog back in, finalize the breakfast issue- omelet with veggies or granola bar? I was doing the smoothie thing, but that just got boring. I may go back to the smoothie thing, its getting to be hot in the morning, and who can eat hot food in the heat?
Where is my briefcase? Is it upstairs? Did I feed the cat? Is the dog in? Good she is and ate her pill ball. I have my briefcase, where is the lunch box I just packed? Are the keys in my bag? I guess I will find out when I get in the car?
Today, I got in the car and put my briefcase on the floor and realized that there was a blank space, what goes there? My lunch box! How do I pack the lunch box and then not carry it out to the car? Good the keys are here, do I have my key card to get in the building? Yes its there in the pocket of the briefcase, did I brush my teeth? No, good thing I carry a travel kit, I will just do it work- how many trips can I make from the house to the car to the house to the car in the morning before the neighbors think I have gone round the bend? (This was the 30 second monologue in my head). The medication I took this morning had not kicked in yet.
On a typical morning, I will have run back up the stairs at least once, I will make one trip back to house and still have the wrong glasses on when I hit the main road. On a great morning, I will actually get everything to the car in one trip and not have to turn around on my way to work. On a not so great morning, I will be more than 5 miles from the house when I have to return for something. I have actually arrived at work an then had to return home and start over.
Things are going to change, for the better. This weekend I am going to make posters and hang them. There will be one in my bathroom- with a checklist of what to do to be prepared for the day. There will be on on the front door with a checklist. There will be a hook for the keys and the back up keys to hang.
When I meal prep this Sunday, I will be prepping dinners as well as lunches. Tomorrow I will make the decision on whether to prepare breakfast for the week or return to the smoothie thing. I have found that if I meal prep for the week, I eat healthy and well, actually eat. If I don’t prep, well, dinner tonight was fritos and little hot dogs.
At lunch break today, I went to the bookstore. I bought a workbook for managing ADHD. I have seen several on the Kindle, but I really will benefit from actually working the work book, in ink. I am not looking to “cure” my ADHD, I am looking for tools to make my life more, managed. I prefer my house to be neat and tidy, right now it is not. I prefer to have a smooth routine, I am good with repeat, repeat, repeat. Really, I can eat the same thing for breakfast every day, lunch every day and dinner every day for a week. I do not need variety. I thrive on consistency. I am looking to maximize my gifts, to be the best person I can be, to live my best life.
If that means I have a 8 x 11 poster hanging on the wall or the door, that is what it will take. I pack my bags the night before. My briefcase is ready for my return to work on Tuesday, but I could stress myself into sillyville in a flash over the thought of being at the doctors office at 7:45 am on Tuesday to be the first walk in- the doctor will still be in the carpool drop off at the elementary school. Deep breath in , exhale. Don’t get ahead of yourself.
Snowmoon Adventures 